It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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