There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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