I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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