Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize