i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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