I am in a vortex of obligation.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
