just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
