I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
