I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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