I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
