Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
