Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
