Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
