Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize