She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
