I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
