im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
