I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
