I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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