We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
