Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
