He had one of those small greek statue penises
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
