I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
