I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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