Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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