the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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