Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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