After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The uberlube is also flammable
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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