I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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