I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
