last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We left the knife in your bed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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