told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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