I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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