Pants 0. Shit 1.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
