Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
