Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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