Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
