Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
