u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
