have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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