I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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