whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
