I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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