Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just pee around me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
