Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize