shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
