Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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