Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
