My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
then he tried to convert me to islam
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
