I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
