For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
