OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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