that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
