end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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