If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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