Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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