naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
