remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
