Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
