with your own penis?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
