apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
