Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
