I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize