Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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