the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize