____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
