When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
