I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize