you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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