hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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