i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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