Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
