omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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